My baby boy turned 10 last week. I really had a hard time with it! I found myself crying throughout the day as I pondered his life and mine.
Before he came into my life, I was traveling fast down the road of self destruction. I was 17 and drinking, drugs and parties were the life. But once I found out I was pregnant everything changed. I was overtaken by a flood of childhood promises I had made to myself. I would not break those vows. Inasmuch as I hated myself at the time, I was determined to love this little guy and give him the things I yearned for when I was a child. He was worth whatever I had to do.
I was 18 and so naive when he was born. I was just a girl myself. As I look back I can see how I had so much to learn. I thought babies slept through the night! Boy,was I in for the shock of a lifetime. I remember the first time he got the hiccups I was so panicked and called my mom to ask what I was supposed to do. He had a first few months of life. First , he had issues with his bowels. I remember him being a week old and sitting in the emergency room. We were there again when he was a month old and had to be admitted for RSV. I realized now that being a mother was so hard and sacrificial. I had more understanding towards my own mother now.
Like any boy, he loved mud puddles , being outside and anything that consisted of dirt. From the time he was two he loved playing games on the computer.
I remember one time when he was about 2 years old he thought he would go exploring outside. One second he was right by my side and the next he was stepping onto a busy highway outside our front yard. My life stood still as I saw a semi truck coming. I ran with all my might and it seemed like forever before I got to him and grabbed up in my arms back to safety.
As I look back through the years, I think of trips to the library after preschool and spending hours in the sandbox. I remember him on his orange motorcycle tricycle, he was the coolest 3 year old in the neighborhood. I think about swim class and how he was the one that sat in the corner and cried the first 10 times we went. My heart would break every class. I was so close to pulling him out. I remember saying the 10th time , "If he doesn't like it this time, we will just try when he's older". But he did it and he did awesome! I think of preschool graduation and walking together the first day of school.
I think about how much I missed him because I worked so much. I think about trying to catch up on lost time by staying up late and playing board games and snuggling. Our three sayings before bedtime was "Snug as a bug in a rug", "Good night don't let the bed bugs bite" and "Snuggly buggly wuggly".
I didn't know how I would love another child as much as him but when Taylor Nicole was born, my heart grew to love her just as much. Zaine has become the best big brother a girl could have. I always wanted a boy and then a girl. Just this week , he asked if I would take him to the store so he could buy (with his own money) his sister a present for Christmas.
God used this little boy to bring me back to Him. When he was 7 , we had just finished our children's Bible. He was insistent on getting a new one. One day I was shopping online for a new Bible and was overcome with conviction. . For years I knew the truth about God, I had experienced his greatness first hand but was living my own life now and for years struggled with the thought of trusting God. I felt an urgency like I had never felt. I felt like it would be the last time that I would have the chance to come back to Him. I was so shaken that I got down on my knees in the middle of my living room and committed my life back to God. I gave Him complete control of everything. I was going to trust in the Everlasting Arms finally! The burden of my life was rolled away. Peace, joy, life came and has been there ever since!!!! All because a little boy's plea and God never-ending love! Some months later , Zaine would ask Jesus into his heart as well.
This last year he asked me if we could do home-school. This is something I did not think I could ever do but I committed to praying about it. We stepped out in faith and once again, a transformational time in both of our lives. God is soooo good! I am so thankful for this precious time we have together. He is restoring what was lost. I love learning with him. God is growing our hearts closer to one another into a bond I pray will never be broken. We are also growing closer to God and I would not trade this time for the world.
He's a boy that loves sports, video games, and good movies. He likes a challenge. His favorite foods are burritos, hotwings, bagels with creamcheese, yogurt and nachos and jalepenos.
He's so big now. I remember that little baby and now his foot is the size of what he once was as a whole. So surreal. On a positive note, I can borrow socks from him now :)
We have grown up together and as I reflect, time goes by way too fast. I agree with Solomon and David , our lives are like a vapor, mist, or grass that withers away. I'm embracing being a mother these days as I realize just how short a time I have. I don't want to miss a thing or not fully enjoy it.
3 Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him. - Psalm 127:3
Thank you Lord, for Zaine and Taylor. They are more than I deserve. They have changed my life for the best. Thank you for their lives and their child like faith. As I watch them, I learn about You. Help me to raise them in a way that is honorable and pleasing in Your sight. In Jesus Name, Amen.
